Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize