hotel room ftw
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
