another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
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I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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