He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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