my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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