Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
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You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
its like you know when i get waxed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.