Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.