U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.