I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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