He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm at about main and main street
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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