I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
