Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
