I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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