32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
