I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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