Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
