every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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