he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
