I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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