3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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