I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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