Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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