I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
