just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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