You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
