so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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