i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
