You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?