can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.