Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
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This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched