dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
