Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
