I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
