my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
