Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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