i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
