i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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