So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We're too hungover to prance.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
