Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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