i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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