Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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