I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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