I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
