From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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