There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
