the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
