I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
