Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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