I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
