I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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