the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he puts the penis in happiness.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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