a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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