you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
