she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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