Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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